Posted on

The Aspie and The Sibling

Erica on Facebook asked me if I have siblings and how did I deal with sibling rivalry.


I am the oldest of two girls. My NT sister is almost 2 years younger than me.


My sister’s arrival into the world in August 1988 was a rude shock to me. It was a major change. Initially I didn’t cope with it all that well. But I have a feeling it is common for any eldest child to feel that way at first.


My mum tells me that I bossed my sister around a bit when we were little. I would tell her to go to sleep or to not touch my things. Sometimes this would involve me physically hitting her. I think that was due to me both being the oldest and aspie. I would try my best to control my sister’s behaviour because I wanted to be in control. My sister needed to fit in my box. Every now and then I would get frustrated and have a meltdown.


I’m on the left, my very cute sister is on the right. I can’t confirm nor deny whether those band-aids are a result of a sibling fight. Haha.

As we both grew older my sister would ignore my attempts to control her and I eventually gave up trying. I learned about empathy and how to respect others and their differences through my sister. She eventually became the bossy one. She developed quite an independence and assertiveness in her teenage years and eventually became taller than me. She would often roll her eyes at my fashion choices. We were different, but we usually got along pretty well. I would embarrass her sometimes though, just because I was (and still am) a bit of an oddball. I started to be mistaken for the younger sister, but I didn’t really mind.

I believe most people on the spectrum come to terms that it’s impossible to control other people’s actions eventually. Growing up with a sibling helps to learn that lesson faster. If your child struggles with this, don’t stress, just be patient life will teach them this lesson sooner or later.

We have a good relationship now as adults. We laugh hysterically at our own inside jokes like a lot of sisters do . In fact my aspergers is very rarely an issue. My sister often forgets I have aspergers. I’m just quirky Kate.


A much more recent pic. My sister on the left, I’m on the right.

With Christmas coming soon I hope you all have happy family catchups!



One response to “The Aspie and The Sibling

  1. E. ⋅

    Great post. I think my daughter thinks like you used to…she needs to control her little brother and everything around her…no control means anxiety and frustration. Thanks for sharing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s