You know what?! I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time!
It seems aspies more than NTs seem to need to be able to figure life out. They need to know, they need to understand. But the reality is, you’ll never completely understand and it’s ok.
The reality is you can have the perfect routine and life will happen and something will change. Change is inevitable, change is in fact necessary, no matter how much we kick and scream through it.
The thing about aspies is that we feel every bump in the road. We feel too much to the point that we shut down or shut out from our world. That is often how we deal with life’s change and pain.
As an adult I often just feel like I’m pretending to be a grown up. I’m just a child really.
This can be a good thing, a great thing. You know why?
Because children are great at learning. They are keen to learn. The trick to life is knowing that you don’t know it all and be open to learning.
Now for most aspies (and humans in general really) that just means taking life a day at a time. Just make small steps towards a goal. Just DON’T STOP!! You have to keep moving, it can be slow – that’s ok, just keep moving.
If life is overwhelming and a meltdown is imminent that’s totally ok. Just don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re different, you’re great, you’re valued and have something of value to give to people.
In saying that though I try to not use my meltdowns as an excuse to be a jerk. Meltdowns are nasty things and I think the adult me takes responsibility from them. I’m not seperate from my meltdowns, I will own them and should apologise when necessary, and explain if I have to, out of respect for others.
So I guess that is where my childhood ends and my adulthood begins. I grow up when I accept responsibility and not use Aspergers as an excuse for being a nasty person. I remember I’m not an island, I have a community around me and wonderful people around me to do life with.
So there are some thoughts.
Have a great week!