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Love Responsibly

Jane Rogers on Facebook asked me to address responsibility in relationships. So here it goes.

In my humble opinion relationships require give and take on both sides regardless of whether one party is on the spectrum or not. It just depends on those involved on how that will play out and both sides over time learn each other’s limits.

For example the relationship journey my husband and I have taken so far I’ve had to learn to take more responsibility in the realms of affection. I’m still learning to be actively involved and initiating affection rather than just being the one receiving it almost apathetically. I do enjoy affection but it doesn’t come naturally to me. It is something I have had to take responsibility in and work on.

On the other hand my hubby has had to learn when to back off in that area. In the past he has been upset by lack of reaction to his affections and has interpreted it as rejection. All that is happening is I just shut down from reality sometimes. It’s like my body is in overload and no longer responds. It’s not unpleasant just overwhelming.

A big responsibility I believe both parties should always take on is COMMUNICATION! Learn each other’s language. My biggest issue is listening. I can float away to another planet at the drop of the hat or talk over hubby (this drives him nuts!) this is an aspie thing but I won’t use it as an excuse I’ll work on it. I’ve overcome limits in the past and my husband is worth the effort.

In turn though he has taken on the responsibility of being patient with me. There have been times when I have had meltdowns in public and that can be hard. It has taken a while but hubby is learning that melt downs often come without warning and simply telling me to ‘calm down’ will only make things worse. He has taken on the responsibility of learning when to back off. Eventually it will pass. It’s not something he can necessarily help me with.

Every couple is different and there are different levels of the spectrum which changes things but in the end I believe AS is a part of my life but it’s not an excuse to disengage. Taking on responsibility in my marriage gets me out of my comfort zone and can only help me break the glass.

It helps if the NT person learns what the limits are and doesn’t push too hard.

I’m no expert on this, I’m on the journey. Also if you have a topic you would like me to address you can go to the Art and Aspergers Facebook page facebook.com/artandaspergers¬†or Email me at artandaspergers@gmail.com

Happy relating

Kate

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One response to “Love Responsibly

  1. I just wrote a blog post about relationships on the Autistic spectrum as well. Mine is about my first girlfriend http://aspergerssearch.wordpress.com/2014/04/17/autism-dating-my-first-girlfriend/ . Relationships are indeed challenging, although I’ve never had the challenge of dating an NT yet. A lot of them get really confused by people on the spectrum, then you have those who are aspie-friendly.

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