Last night I went to a friend’s 21st. The first party I had been too in about 6 months. I’m not sure if it was because I was a bit socially rusty but I had a moment of being what I like to call socially paralysed.
My wonderful fiance had picked me up from work, took me home to get ready for the party and then we rode on his motorbike to the party.
Later during the party we spotted someone making coffees. My fiance was getting a little weary and in need of caffeine so he politely asked me to go up to the person making coffees and ask for one for him . But I simply couldn’t. I froze with a completely irrational fear of talking to a stranger.
It seemed that invisible wall had been erected around me again. I kept making excuses and reasons why he should ask for the coffee himself. I felt awful. I couldn’t understand why I was afraid. This doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s a horrible feeling.
In the past when similar events have occurred it has been interpreted as laziness or shyness by others.
I’m living with a middle aged couple at the moment until I get married. Their daughter came home to stay last night. This morning I could hear her and her boyfriend chatting and walking around in the living room. Once again I couldn’t bring myself to walk outside of my room in case I had to talk to them.
Bizarre….I’m sure they are lovely people. What is my problem?
The weird thing about this is that it’s unpredictable. I don’t react like this every time I’m in contact with a stranger – obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t have any friends, or a fiance. I’m not even sure it’s an aspergers thing.
Here’s to tomorrow, hopefully another crack in the glass.